Monday Madness

Monday Madness: Embrace Conflict, Master Yourself

“The more we run from conflict, the more it masters us; the more we try to avoid it, the more it controls us; the less we fear conflict, the less it confuses us; the less we deny our differences, the less they divide us.”– David Augsburger

How do these words land with you today?

Take a moment to pause and reflect—free yourself from distractions for just a few seconds:

Take a deep breath in... exhale slowly...Another deep breath in... exhale slowly...One more deep breath in... exhale slowly... Now, be present.

As leaders, influencers, and changemakers, our relationship with conflict can either elevate us or limit our potential.

How do you deal with conflict? 

Are you a runner, a quiet avoider, or perhaps someone who faces it head-on, but in a reactive manner?

Reflect for a moment:

• How do you feel about conflict? Does it make you anxious? Frustrated? Or perhaps energized?

• What role do you often play in conflict? Are you the peacemaker, the challenger, or the one who withdraws?

  
  

Before we dive deeper, let’s first define conflict in our own words.

Conflict: A serious disagreement or clash, often arising from incompatible ideas, needs, or desires. It’s more than just disagreement—it’s the emotional charge we feel when we don’t see eye-to-eye. It’s also mental struggle—the tension between competing thoughts, emotions, or desires.

As a coach, I often remind my clients that conflict is inevitable, but how we navigate it can either lead to growth or stagnation.

Here's the thing: Conflict doesn’t have to be a destructive force. In fact, when approached with the right mindset, conflict can become a tool for personal and professional development.

Gay Hendricks, in his transformative work, teaches that the core ingredient to mastering conflict is wonder, not judgment. Instead of reacting with blame or defense, we are encouraged to be curious:

• What is my responsibility in this situation?

• What unconscious need might I have that’s driving this argument?

• How can I take ownership of the solution, regardless of how the other person reacts?

  
  

Hendricks offers a three-step framework that I’ve found to be incredibly powerful:

1. Take ownership of the issue: “I claim full responsibility for creating this situation.” This shifts you into a power position, freeing you from victimhood.

2. Take ownership of your unconscious intention: “I must have a need to create this argument right now.” Awareness gives you control.

3. Take ownership of the solution: “I take responsibility for creating a favorable outcome.” Never let another person’s emotional reaction determine your next move.

   
   

Today’s Challenge:

Commit to mastering conflict through wonder and ownership. You have the power to shape how you respond, no matter how difficult the situation. Embrace conflict as an opportunity for self-mastery and leadership growth.

Ask yourself:

• When was the last time you truly owned a conflict, instead of shifting blame or avoiding it?

• What’s one situation in your life or leadership where you still haven’t fully claimed responsibility?

• What’s holding you back?

  
  

Use Hendricks’ 3-step process as your guide this week to step into your own power:

1. Own the issue.

2. Own the intention.

3. Own the solution.

   
   

Reflect on this: 

How will you show up differently when faced with conflict?

What will you do today to model ownership and responsibility within your team or organization?

Remember: The greatest leaders are those who rise above the fear of conflict, seeking understanding over judgment. Don’t shy away from discomfort—lean into it and watch yourself grow.

In times of tension, choose growth. Lead with responsibility. And most importantly—stay curious.

You’ve got this!

Coach Tavia, PCC, MSEd, MAT