Freedom Friday

Tavia Robinson
3 days ago
2 min read

Freedom Friday: Self-Forgiveness

“I will know peace when I learn to forgive myself.” — Iyanla Vanzant

How do the words above resonate with you?

Before you go further, take a moment to center yourself:

Deep breath in… exhale slowly.

Allow your mind to settle and your awareness to expand...

In fast-paced, high-visibility environments, leaders are often harder on themselves than anyone else could be.

We hold high standards, carry heavy responsibilities, and feel accountable for outcomes that impact teams, clients, and entire organizations.

But here’s a leadership truth we don’t talk about enough:

You cannot lead with clarity when you’re internally battling your own self-judgment.

What Self-Forgiveness Really Looks Like in Leadership

From a coaching lens, self-forgiveness is a deliberate and strategic process. It involves:

Owning the mistake without spiraling into self-blame.
Understanding the context — the data you had, the pressures you faced, the intentions driving your decision.
Extracting learning instead of replaying the error.
Replacing guilt and shame with self-compassion so you can regain executive presence and forward momentum.

It’s not about excusing behavior. It’s about freeing up the mental and emotional bandwidth leaders need for sound judgment, creativity, and resilience.

Why This Matters for High-Performing Professionals

Recent literature highlights powerful outcomes:

Emotional resilience: Self-forgiveness reduces chronic stress, anxiety, and burnout risk.
Better physical well-being: Research links forgiveness practices to improved sleep, lower fatigue, and healthier cardiovascular and immune responses.
(Greater Good Science Center, Berkeley)
Sharper leadership effectiveness: Letting go of self-criticism restores cognitive bandwidth and strengthens decision-making, innovation, and interpersonal communication.
(Psychology Today; BMC Psychology)

In a volatile, politically charged climate, leaders need emotional agility — and self-forgiveness is a cornerstone of that capacity.

A Practical Framework You Can Use Today

Name It:
What actually happened?
What’s the story you’re telling yourself?
Normalize It:
Have other leaders made similar mistakes? (Almost always yes.)
Learn From It:
What are the takeaways, insights, or new commitments?
Release It:
What guilt, narrative, or expectation will you intentionally let go of?
Move Forward:
What’s the next aligned action that reflects your growth, not your regret?

Conversation Starters for You and Your Team

Where are you holding yourself to an unrealistic standard that no one else is asking of you?
How does guilt or self-criticism impact your leadership presence?
What’s one mistake you’re willing to reframe as a learning opportunity today?
How might modeling self-forgiveness create more psychological safety on your team?
If you extended to yourself the grace you offer others, what would shift?

“Leadership grows when self-judgment goes — give yourself the same grace you expect others to thrive under.”

You got this!

Coach Tavia, PCC, MSEd, MAT

References:

Iyanla Vanzant, Until Today: Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind
The Power of Self-Forgiveness — Psychology Today
Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley — Research on forgiveness, stress, and physical well-being
BMC Psychology — Studies linking self-forgiveness to improved emotional and cognitive functioning